gotjenkins.com

so now i’ve got all this free time to do stupid shit like posting on my website and i’ve got nothing at all to say.

which really kinda sucks, because a few days a go i had a ton of shit to talk about.

and now i’ve got nothing. oh, wait!

so, did i mention that we bought some lizards? spent a solid chunk of change on a tank and three leopard geckos. they’re pretty cool. They’re named sam, syd, and leroy (pronounced lee-roy, not leroi.) and, i’m pretty sure that sam is a femail and syd and leroy are males, so, lizard babies are inevitable. i’ll try and get some pictures up of them soon. i’ve taken a few, but they’re pretty piss poor quality.

yeah, so i think i’m going to have to bail on DMB in tennessee. i really want to go, but i just don’t feel like i can afford it, especially with the traveling i’ll have to do for weddings in the next few months and my mounting credit card and school loans. plus, if this dave/tim/trey thing comes to light, i want to be able to hit that up as well. but we shall see. maybe i’ll hit the lottery or something. or cash in a savings bond. or something.

school started wednesday, and it seems like it’s going to be a long semester. i’m taking world politics, intro to music, advanced theories of management and organizational behavior, astronomy, and legal and ethical business.

i’m not too worried about any of it, but the management theories and legal business are going to be hard as hell. but at least i’ve got this swell 5 hours break between classes.

i’ll have to post later about my lunch experience. i’ve witnessed what i think was the rudest, most inconsiderate, unacceptable thing ever from a fast food joint, and that means pretty much coming from me – i’ve seen a lot in almost 7 years at my current job. it angered me enough that i didn’t even try to talk to the store manager, i went right back to the computer lab and emailed the director of operations.

anyway, that’s it for now from the middle of nowhere.

edit: in retrospect, this is the most cryptic incoherent thing i’ve ever posted, even for a stream of consciousness. but i think it makes a little sense if you can decode the ramblings.

i don’t believe.

i never did, really. just never bought it. maybe i should have, and i’m sure that when i was younger i did, but since i’ve been old enough to think, i haven’t believed it.

should i have, though? have i been wrong all along?

people have believed it long before i’ve been around, and will long after i’m gone. are they all right? maybe. maybe not.

i really think that i may be right. i dont know for sure – no one REALLY knows for sure – but i think i’m right. everyone wants to think that what they believe in is right, though… don’t they?

i don’t think i can handle it if i’m right. if i’m right, then everyone who believed before me and everyone who believes after me is wrong. and if that’s the case, what makes me different from all of them? why would i be able to find this answer so easily?

the bizarre thing is, i feel like i WANT to believe, but i just don’t. i want to believe because i know i may be wrong, and i know that if i’m wrong and i still choose not to believe, i’m probably screwed in the end.

does it matter at all? am i right? am i wrong? have i been crazy all this time?

is it really worth believing if you only believe because of fear?

is believing out of fear believing after all?
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