a truly sad day
i consider myself very lucky to have lived the first 21 years of my life with all four of my grandparents. not many people can say all four were around for their 20th.
today, a horrible thing happened to an amazing man. that man, with all of his courage, wisdom, and remaining strength, took that horrible thing and did something truely amazing.
today, my grandfather died. he left us today for a better place. it was, and is, a horrible and sad thing. but before he left us, he took care of us the only way that he could. from his comatose condition in a hospital bed, he took care of us.
he had been in the hospital, on life support, and comatose for about two weeks — maybe more, maybe less, memory doesnt serve me too well right now. we all knew that we needed to say goodbye, that his time was drawing near. and even though he never was told that he was dying, he too knew the truth.
how did he know? who knows. but he knew. for 49 years, he has traditionally bought all of christams presents for everyone on Dec 24th — the last day of christmas. it was important to him, and its just how he was. this year, breaking tradition for the first time in half a century, he bought his gifts on the day after thanksgiving. noone knows for sure, but he knew. he had the foresight to know that something could (and ultimately, would) happen.
i digress. in the hospital, while physically asleep, mentally he was still as sharp as ever. when someone would talk to him, his breathing and heart pattern would suddenly change. he was alive in that unconscious shell, and he wanted to communicate with us.
even though he knew his time was at hand, he fought to stay alive. he fought to keep breathing, he fought to keep going. he fought for us, so that we could have the time we needed to tell him how we love him.
between his wife, his 4 remaining children, and his 14 grandchildren (with a great-grandchild on the way), he knew he was loved. one of us was always — ALWAYS — at his side, talking to him, sitting with him.
today, “little” david came in for christmas. david is the son of my uncle david (mom’s brother and grandpa’s son) who passed away in june. little david lives in ohio with his mother, and usually only comes in for holidays and special occasions.
my father went to the airport to pick up little david, and they went directly to the hospital to see grandpa. they left the hospital at 3:00.
at 6:30, we got a phonecall from the ICU nurse who said that bloodpressure was dropping and heartrate was bottoming out.
he waited for david… he waited for little david to come see him one more time and say goodbye before he left us. with that, he could die peacefully, knowing that he had said goodbye to everyone he loved, and knowing that everyone who loved him had a chance to do the same.
but no. he could have gone peacefully, but he continued to fight. he gave us a sign that it was time, and he continued to fight for his life.
when my mother got that 6:30 phonecall from the nurse, we grabbed the cell and left immediately. on the way to the hospital, we called everyone and told them what was happening. my parents and i were first to the room, and his stats had stablized. as the minutes passed, more people arrived. first aunt diane and grandma, then aunt robin, then uncle kevin.
with that, the people who were most important to him were all in one place, at his side. his children and his soul mate were all there, crying, holding him.
with those people, his family, there with him for his final moments, he could die at peace, knowing how much he was loved, and having said goodbye.
that he did, and fought no more.
rest in peace, Joseph Murphy. December 23rd, 2001.
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